Obsession

I was listening to my ipod on shuffle the other day when it threw up a song I hadn't heard for years. A song I used to love but had completely forgotten about.

I actually thought I'd moved past the point where music could reach right into my core and grasp my soul. For some reason I'd written that off as something that was only ever possible for someone living with heightened emotions. As a teenager music was all consumingly important to me, but of course for teenagers angst is a constant companion. All the years between 13 and 23 are a roiling pit of heightened emotions and it makes sense that this gives something for music to twine it's way around.

Since then though, I've been all 'grown up' and even tempered - generally content in a way that has few peaks or troughs and doesn't really allow for obsession. These days I still love music but the stuff that catches my attention does so because of a jaunty tune or clever lyrics rather than because it speaks to something inside me in a way that words can't.

Or so I'd thought anyway. When my ipod played this song it all came rushing back. Angst, obsession, the knowledge that it is possible to seek expression or release in something other than words or actions. I still generally feel like I don't need that anymore, but it's very good to be reminded that it's still actually there when I want it.